Just started on this new daily devotional reading..Shen gave it to me...it's pretty gd..the 1st lesson as all abt HIs creation...God placed everything in place, neatly and beautifully =) and the best part is, He saw that it was good! thats the amazing part, dont you think!? He knew what He created and why He created them was good. Looking at ourselves, He created us! and He saw that it was good..Us, creating us was good! Moreover, we were specially made in His likeness, made to be like Him...how often do we forget this very fundamental aspect of creation and even of ourselves! Reflecting deeper, we see how the Father made everything with a purpose, a function.. and that includes the reason He made us...to be just like Him, and this was good.
But the bigger qn is: How often do we reflect the image of Jesus...? barely...n i say that for myself...we all struggle...and i believe many will agree that we shld continue to struggle to be like Him... that we shld keep struggling to be like Him more than struggle to do things for Him, coz we were made to be like Him! that's our purpose here on earth, that all of us were made to display Christ! of course, it isnt easy at all...but let's 1st begin with praying 4 such a desire..tts what i told myself...
Indeed, this lesson was something that struck me hard as i thought through the questions and words in the reading... i begin to think..God, it is really so difficult to be just like You...we are imperfect...how to be like You a perfect God? Teach me...cleanse me....help me to focus on what is important to You, more than what is merely important Lord..
And it did not end there...It was as if Christ was standing next to me saying: Child, everything i allow to happen, just like everything you see that I have made, is for a purpose a reason..the birds, the animals, the sun, the stars, they all were put in place for a specific purpose and so are you and the things i allow to happen around you...and i simply took comfort in those words...The Father Himself has heard my cry... and He is responding and reminding me that whatever has happened happened for a reason He knows..
So i told Him, Lord help me to not be bitter, to cont to heal me and that i will try my best not to dwell on unhappy things that have happened but to remember, there is a specific reason... Well, you might say, this is such a common teaching everyone knows, and can say but how much, how often do we practise what we preach, what we know of Christ and therefore reflect Christ in our lives....?
Yes, it is an ardous road ahead but when we don't see His hand, trust His heart...just as how Jesus, on the cross, continued to trust the Father's heart...Persis, keep striving to be like Jesus - trusting the Father all the way and reflecting Christlikness..this is good in the eyes of the Lord...Thank you Jesus....
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Redundancy vs Persistence?
God, this is where You have placed me, let me not waiver...let me not be discouraged for You have said in Your word, "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with You wherever you go" - Jos 1:9
It has indeed been a v trying time...friends disappoint, friends let you down, a relative passing away, a not-so-smooth sailing time at work, a failed rship, etc...all these things have culimnated to today's event - smth i prob wouldnt forget for a long enough time....fancy shedding tears and hyperventilating in my Clare's face...persis persis...sigh... Well, i only take comfort in knowing, at the very least, why i reacted the way i did...why i cld no longer contain my pain and distress... All the things tt have been gg on seem to say 1 thing to me - redundant....real or not, true or not, this is jus how my brain perceives them and i seriously need to grow stronger and change my own thinking patterns before i attempt to help others... Perhaps a suppression all this while, what happened today made me feel that i was am not useful, i am not needed by anyone, that i am simplY REDUNDANT...since young, dad has often said i was dumb, etc...nothing abt me seemed to make others happy...and yet, what others think of me or feel towards me is so impt to me...then as i was growing up, i was often 'rejected' by those i liked...and even as I'm grown up now, the ones that matter most to me say they are sick of me, they rather not talk to me, and some who claim they love me even gave up on me, and even chose my best friend over me...what they think and feel towards me mean so much...yet all i hear from these special people is that i am not needed anymore, i am not wanted anymore... ='(
and i am just trying to feel better by telling me that no matter what happens, even if the whole world hates me, Jesus loves me.. and perhaps He is even putting me thru' this vigorous ultimate test is so tt i will truly see and feel that He is the only one that never will fail, that never will change and will always love me...regardless.... ='(
I need to indeed reflect on this incident, grow from it and move on...but now, i duno how... im jus so tired of existing...='( i wish sometimes that i will jus disappear, and perhaps ppl will regret what they have ever said or done to me...? Maybe they wldnt but by then I will not knw coz i am no longer around....
God, help me not to think and feel this way...pls...coz i knw when we hurt, You hurt too and You wld never want us to be defeated but be conquerors in You...This is the work of the devil, and in Jesus'name, You take these self-defeating thoughts and feelings away from me Lord... Help me to keep trusting You even when things dont seem right.. Heal my soul frm these hurts and pain & restore unto me the joy of Your salvation...Thank you Lord... ='( Help me to be all that you want me to be...persistent in all that You've called me to be....Amen....
It has indeed been a v trying time...friends disappoint, friends let you down, a relative passing away, a not-so-smooth sailing time at work, a failed rship, etc...all these things have culimnated to today's event - smth i prob wouldnt forget for a long enough time....fancy shedding tears and hyperventilating in my Clare's face...persis persis...sigh... Well, i only take comfort in knowing, at the very least, why i reacted the way i did...why i cld no longer contain my pain and distress... All the things tt have been gg on seem to say 1 thing to me - redundant....real or not, true or not, this is jus how my brain perceives them and i seriously need to grow stronger and change my own thinking patterns before i attempt to help others... Perhaps a suppression all this while, what happened today made me feel that i was am not useful, i am not needed by anyone, that i am simplY REDUNDANT...since young, dad has often said i was dumb, etc...nothing abt me seemed to make others happy...and yet, what others think of me or feel towards me is so impt to me...then as i was growing up, i was often 'rejected' by those i liked...and even as I'm grown up now, the ones that matter most to me say they are sick of me, they rather not talk to me, and some who claim they love me even gave up on me, and even chose my best friend over me...what they think and feel towards me mean so much...yet all i hear from these special people is that i am not needed anymore, i am not wanted anymore... ='(
and i am just trying to feel better by telling me that no matter what happens, even if the whole world hates me, Jesus loves me.. and perhaps He is even putting me thru' this vigorous ultimate test is so tt i will truly see and feel that He is the only one that never will fail, that never will change and will always love me...regardless.... ='(
I need to indeed reflect on this incident, grow from it and move on...but now, i duno how... im jus so tired of existing...='( i wish sometimes that i will jus disappear, and perhaps ppl will regret what they have ever said or done to me...? Maybe they wldnt but by then I will not knw coz i am no longer around....
God, help me not to think and feel this way...pls...coz i knw when we hurt, You hurt too and You wld never want us to be defeated but be conquerors in You...This is the work of the devil, and in Jesus'name, You take these self-defeating thoughts and feelings away from me Lord... Help me to keep trusting You even when things dont seem right.. Heal my soul frm these hurts and pain & restore unto me the joy of Your salvation...Thank you Lord... ='( Help me to be all that you want me to be...persistent in all that You've called me to be....Amen....
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A dish that marked a beginning and an end...
Hmm...a dish of significance indeed...the next time its made, tasted or watever, i doubt ill ever forget the stories behind this dish......a creamy sauce, bacon, egg yolk, mushroom, linguine/spaghetti, whipping cream for cooking.............Amazing dish....So expensive and seemingly difficult to prepare dish was made simple at the hands of a "well-known" chef amongst our group of friends downunder....
I will never forget how i was pleasantly surprised at the simplicty in steps of making this special dish i have always known about in restaurants..gd Italian restaurant to be exact.....
It was really in the freshness of ingredients and timing of mixing the ingredients....When i first picked it up, i did a terrible job, no where near my 'shi fu''s standard....but after several tries, i remember him saying "it's really quite nice, better than mine"... of course, i knew that he was jus being really polite, encouraging and simply gentlemanly not to put me down.... It was this dish that kinda marked a beginning of deep friendship between us......a dish that ssssoooomehow will always be remembered together with the stories alongside it.....both happy and sad ones....
Not long ago, this same dish somewhat and somehow entered my life in a significant way again...but it took a very different meaning this time....less of a happy occasion...in fact it marked an important turning point in my life....a sad one... A now very gd friend of mine approached me to making this dish for his cell...at 1st i was afraid to walk down memory lane...but then again, I definitely would help out and it's also been a long time since i touched it.....So, we did it.. it was quite an experience..quite fun in fact....and interesting to see how the ingredients do matter! =P
The end product was commented to be quite good...thank God..i was somewhat proud of myself.. *hee* i felt encouraged, but yes, it did not fail to bring back some memories of where and from whom i picked up this relatively simple skill....And now, it will not cease to remind me it is a dish that marked the end of a dear relationship between 2 people...who love each other but had to learn to love God more, and put Him above all else in their individual lives 1st before embracing a rship....
It hurts...indeed, how a dish so delectable yet simple can carry so much joy and pain at the same time...Still, how much it will always mean to me, i pray will never die....Through it all, God, be my strength...be my song...be all that I am always....
I will never forget how i was pleasantly surprised at the simplicty in steps of making this special dish i have always known about in restaurants..gd Italian restaurant to be exact.....
It was really in the freshness of ingredients and timing of mixing the ingredients....When i first picked it up, i did a terrible job, no where near my 'shi fu''s standard....but after several tries, i remember him saying "it's really quite nice, better than mine"... of course, i knew that he was jus being really polite, encouraging and simply gentlemanly not to put me down.... It was this dish that kinda marked a beginning of deep friendship between us......a dish that ssssoooomehow will always be remembered together with the stories alongside it.....both happy and sad ones....
Not long ago, this same dish somewhat and somehow entered my life in a significant way again...but it took a very different meaning this time....less of a happy occasion...in fact it marked an important turning point in my life....a sad one... A now very gd friend of mine approached me to making this dish for his cell...at 1st i was afraid to walk down memory lane...but then again, I definitely would help out and it's also been a long time since i touched it.....So, we did it.. it was quite an experience..quite fun in fact....and interesting to see how the ingredients do matter! =P
The end product was commented to be quite good...thank God..i was somewhat proud of myself.. *hee* i felt encouraged, but yes, it did not fail to bring back some memories of where and from whom i picked up this relatively simple skill....And now, it will not cease to remind me it is a dish that marked the end of a dear relationship between 2 people...who love each other but had to learn to love God more, and put Him above all else in their individual lives 1st before embracing a rship....
It hurts...indeed, how a dish so delectable yet simple can carry so much joy and pain at the same time...Still, how much it will always mean to me, i pray will never die....Through it all, God, be my strength...be my song...be all that I am always....
Monday, June 23, 2008
Tribute of His grace & guidance....
As i pondered on my essay for a scholarship application in view of my studies in forensic psychology next yr, the Lord's blessings and providence were brought to mind once again...
Indeed, i would like to pay tribute and give all glory and honour to Jesus my Lord who has prepared the way ahead of me, long before i knew it all....
I remember how 1 night 5 yrs ago, at a youth camp during the last nite of worship and prayer, I struggled with thoughts that psychology may not be what He wants for me..i was so fearful that the Lord's plan for me was not one in the psychology realm so to speak...I rememb how i cried out for His grace and mercy and how i begged Him that it wld be His desire, as much as mine, for me to pursue psychology as a life-goal...for at that time, i did not knw what His will was for me.. All i had in my head was, "pls Lord let it be psychology..." Of course that was in a way the wrong mentality...but as i look back, i learn that when we willingly humble ourselves before Him, He chooses gentleness and grace over judegment...and i'm thankful that our loving Father has chosen to grant me the desires of my heart as i sought, so desperately, 5 yrs ago to discover His true purpose for me.....
With my previous valuable experience in SPS and my current experiences at IMH and MCYS, it is clear that His grace has brought me into this world of forensic psychology - my passion and heart's desire....As i learn more each day about psychology at work in forensic settings, indeed, i am assured that this burden for perpetrators and victims are not of my own but the Lord''s...I am but His instrument...and i hope that this passion and spirit of mercy He has placed within my heart and life for the prisoners will not burn out.....as it is said in His Word in Psalm 79:11 "May the groans of the prisoners come before You; by the strength of Your arm preserve those condemned to die. "
In Isaiah 61: 1b, Isaish prophesied the Year of the Lord's favour where he was given a mission : He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..." As i reflect on this verse, I believe it is the Lord's desire and call for all who believe in Him to be ambassadors of Christ, vessels of mercy and instruments of blessing to ALL...including prisoners...So, as His child, I pray that He will help me hide His Word in my heart and through stressful times in the field, this verse will serve to remind me of His calling and grace in my life.....
Thank you Jesus....Continue to preserve me as i seek to serve You in this field of forensic psychology...Help me to remember that it is You who placed me here and given me the grace to carry on..Strengthen my heart Lord....Amen...
Indeed, i would like to pay tribute and give all glory and honour to Jesus my Lord who has prepared the way ahead of me, long before i knew it all....
I remember how 1 night 5 yrs ago, at a youth camp during the last nite of worship and prayer, I struggled with thoughts that psychology may not be what He wants for me..i was so fearful that the Lord's plan for me was not one in the psychology realm so to speak...I rememb how i cried out for His grace and mercy and how i begged Him that it wld be His desire, as much as mine, for me to pursue psychology as a life-goal...for at that time, i did not knw what His will was for me.. All i had in my head was, "pls Lord let it be psychology..." Of course that was in a way the wrong mentality...but as i look back, i learn that when we willingly humble ourselves before Him, He chooses gentleness and grace over judegment...and i'm thankful that our loving Father has chosen to grant me the desires of my heart as i sought, so desperately, 5 yrs ago to discover His true purpose for me.....
With my previous valuable experience in SPS and my current experiences at IMH and MCYS, it is clear that His grace has brought me into this world of forensic psychology - my passion and heart's desire....As i learn more each day about psychology at work in forensic settings, indeed, i am assured that this burden for perpetrators and victims are not of my own but the Lord''s...I am but His instrument...and i hope that this passion and spirit of mercy He has placed within my heart and life for the prisoners will not burn out.....as it is said in His Word in Psalm 79:11 "May the groans of the prisoners come before You; by the strength of Your arm preserve those condemned to die. "
In Isaiah 61: 1b, Isaish prophesied the Year of the Lord's favour where he was given a mission : He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..." As i reflect on this verse, I believe it is the Lord's desire and call for all who believe in Him to be ambassadors of Christ, vessels of mercy and instruments of blessing to ALL...including prisoners...So, as His child, I pray that He will help me hide His Word in my heart and through stressful times in the field, this verse will serve to remind me of His calling and grace in my life.....
Thank you Jesus....Continue to preserve me as i seek to serve You in this field of forensic psychology...Help me to remember that it is You who placed me here and given me the grace to carry on..Strengthen my heart Lord....Amen...
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Weddings & Friendships
Just got back from a classmate's wedding...MJ is my sec sch classmate and also from the same batch of GB girls...MJ's seriously looks so happy and blissful..Happy for u girl..Congrats =) Indeed, memories of GB times where we used to play together, compete against one another at intersquad competitions and plan camps together flooded my mind as i sat at Tower ballroom, Shangri-la Hotel...Reali, i miss those times where we has sooooooooooooo much fun! oh my gosh! =) Well, i was glad i went to the wedding after all...was apprehensive abt meeting ppl agn after so many yrs but it turned out GREAT! =) Enjoyed myself thoroughly seeing everyone again and catching up here n there...everyone's still preeeety much the same, their mannerisms, character and all....Above all, the bond we share remains though silently but, very graciously...
MJ did not have a church wedding which kinda showed me that, among the many things that have not changed, one important thing did..which is her faith in Jesus...I apologise that i am saying this here, but reali, in such a happy occasion, the saddest part is, a very gd fren has chosen to live a life with man but without Christ..somehow, my heart sank...i'm sorry MJ... yes i am happy that she is married and enjoying a life ahead with the one she loves...yet, the one that loves her the most doesnt seem to take 1st place anymore.....indeed it is a pity... Guess we christian friends of MJ out there will just have to continue praying for MJ and Jon...that one day their hearts will turn to Him for everlasting joy and peace...
Back to weddings and friends..the friends part done..now for weddings....Hmm...Strangely, i was surprised..the me in the past wld go "Aw......when's my turn?", "How i wish it was me...", "Wld mine be as sweet...?" etc..but today, Nah....whether its coz i'm numb or have harden myself from such feelings of 'envy' i dont know..but one thing im sure of is that, i am slowly beginning to find my fulfilment in Christ more than man... =P Not that men, the species from Mars are yknw...anything less..it's just that when our hope is in the One who loves us the most, the love of man simply cannot compare..and so, feelings of emptiness and longing just don't well up at weddings that cause me to yearn for such a romance..Instead, i pray for God's love to fill me so deeply that i can experience His love everyday of my life, married or not.........Marriage is about trust and love, i'm sure everyone agrees...Till i can completely surrender my life, my dreams and ambitions to the Author of unconditional love, marriage is not on the list as of now... =P
Yes, indeed, Jesus, Help me to keep my eyes on You coz when You are the focus of our lives and we are in the center of Your will, we cease to worry about what we will eat, what we will wear, and in light of tonight's theme, who we will spend the rest of our lives with. This You have assured us in Your Word. So, Lord help me to remember this always, and persevere in placing You above all that's in my life..coz Lord, we are, foremost, Your 'bride'...Thank you Jesus... =)
MJ did not have a church wedding which kinda showed me that, among the many things that have not changed, one important thing did..which is her faith in Jesus...I apologise that i am saying this here, but reali, in such a happy occasion, the saddest part is, a very gd fren has chosen to live a life with man but without Christ..somehow, my heart sank...i'm sorry MJ... yes i am happy that she is married and enjoying a life ahead with the one she loves...yet, the one that loves her the most doesnt seem to take 1st place anymore.....indeed it is a pity... Guess we christian friends of MJ out there will just have to continue praying for MJ and Jon...that one day their hearts will turn to Him for everlasting joy and peace...
Back to weddings and friends..the friends part done..now for weddings....Hmm...Strangely, i was surprised..the me in the past wld go "Aw......when's my turn?", "How i wish it was me...", "Wld mine be as sweet...?" etc..but today, Nah....whether its coz i'm numb or have harden myself from such feelings of 'envy' i dont know..but one thing im sure of is that, i am slowly beginning to find my fulfilment in Christ more than man... =P Not that men, the species from Mars are yknw...anything less..it's just that when our hope is in the One who loves us the most, the love of man simply cannot compare..and so, feelings of emptiness and longing just don't well up at weddings that cause me to yearn for such a romance..Instead, i pray for God's love to fill me so deeply that i can experience His love everyday of my life, married or not.........Marriage is about trust and love, i'm sure everyone agrees...Till i can completely surrender my life, my dreams and ambitions to the Author of unconditional love, marriage is not on the list as of now... =P
Yes, indeed, Jesus, Help me to keep my eyes on You coz when You are the focus of our lives and we are in the center of Your will, we cease to worry about what we will eat, what we will wear, and in light of tonight's theme, who we will spend the rest of our lives with. This You have assured us in Your Word. So, Lord help me to remember this always, and persevere in placing You above all that's in my life..coz Lord, we are, foremost, Your 'bride'...Thank you Jesus... =)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Clinging on to His Promises
As i pondered upon how i should continue with my decisions, whether they were considered rash/impulsive and stupid, the Lord impressed upon me this: to seek yr first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you....and more so, remanants of His Word saying how when we are in the center of His will, He will grant us the desire of our hearts...And i really want to cling onto these promises, but first i must strive to be in the center of His will..So Lord, help me....May You make me a blessing to others around me even as I do my best to walk close to You....Amen.........
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